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Author Topic: Protome's Tale (T4DL Aftermath)  (Read 1776 times)

Protome

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Protome's Tale (T4DL Aftermath)
« on: July 18, 2007, 11:04:22 AM »
Yo, this is a story involving my character from ye olde rp "The Fourth Dark Lord." It'll tell of what he did after the fall of Dekentor and the death of Kale but before the events of T4DL2.



"Protome, You Restored The Second Dark Lord To Her Body And Therefore A New Dark Lord Shall Not Be Needed. You Are Free To Live Your Own Life, Goodbye." It had been a year since Protome had heard these words. And he knew that they were nothing but lies. His destiny had not been changed, he still was faced with the threat of becoming a new Dark Lord.  However, Protome did not worry about this much. He had too much on his mind. He had an academy which was up and running, training people in the way of the ninja, he was now a father and his brother was still one of the Greater Undead and he was still a major threat to everyone he came into contact with. In fact Protome had encountered and fought his brother many times since the Fourth Dark Lord's demise and each fight had never truely ended. He had killed his brother several times and each time he rose from the dead once again, something which Protome knew would continue to happen until a necromancer sent him back to the world of the dead.

"Why do you fight me again, brother?" It was more of an echo than an actually voice that came from the robed figure.
"You threaten my family. You threaten my friends. Hell, you threaten everything I worked so hard to protect against Dekentor!" Protome replied as he drew his Katana from it's sheath at his side.
"Hah, don't make me laugh. You helped the Crystal Warriors to reach your own goals, everything you did was just to revive your beloved Marissa" Emmerich laughed. A hollow laugh that seemed to bounce off of Protome's very soul.
"True enough, but I still helped." Protome spoke, as he slowly prepared to hurl himself at his brother's robed body. "That's more than you ever did!"
Protome launched through the air towards his brother and swung his sword forward ahead of him. Out of nowhere Emmerich's sword clashed into it and pushed him back again and down to the ground. He landed on his back and his sword slid away across the grass.
"Oh come on brother, I may have picked the wrong side but in the end I have won." Emmerich began. "I got the power that you still long for, I have the immortality that you dreamt of and I will be the one to finally end your pitiful life!" He drove his blade forward and downwards with intention of piercing Protome's heart, but it was stopped by two kunai which came from Protome's sleeves. He pushed his brothers blade back and rolled across the ground and grasped his own and then he flipped into the air and landed behind his brother, with his sword round Emmerich's neck. Emmerich sighed.
"I expected so much more from you Protome." He said and then he thrust his sword through his own stomach and straight through into Protome's. He then pushed backwards and felt the end of the blade sink deeply into a tree.
"Urgh...Dammit." Protome groaned, and he began to cough up blood. His brother simply fazed through the sword and turned to face him.
"I'm undead Protome, this body isn't even mine!" His brother said and then he pushed the sword further into the tree, just to make sure Protome couldn't escape. "And yet...I feel this shall not be enough to lay you to rest. Oh well, until next time brother!"
Emmerich rose his hand and twirled it in the rough shape of a horse, and a horse did appear in front of him. He mounted it, saluted to Protome and rode away.
When he was out of site Protome grabbed onto the end of the sword and attempted to remove it from the tree. It was useless and he continued to cough up blood and became extremely weak. He could barely move his hands and his vision was fading, but with the last of his strength he drew a symbol in the air and whistled.


Notes: I don't believe that I revealed the names of Protome's Brother or his wife in either T4DL or T4DL2 and so I've created them, from here on in his brother shall be named "Emmerich" and his wife "Marissa"

Enjoy, or don't. Whatever, I want c&c either way.
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OnewingedDragon

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Re: Protome's Tale (T4DL Aftermath)
« Reply #1 on: July 18, 2007, 01:43:51 PM »
He had too much on his mind. He had an academy which was up and running, training people in the way of the ninja, he was now a father and his brother was still one of the Greater Undead and he was still a major threat to everyone he came into contact with.

Too many ideas in one sentence. I would break it up to 2 or 3:
"He had too much on his mind with running the academy and being a father now. In addition to training people in the way of the ninja, he had to worry about the serious threat of his brother, one of the greater undead."

In fact Protome had encountered and fought his brother many times since the Fourth Dark Lord's demise and each fight had never truely ended. He had killed his brother several times and each time he rose from the dead once again, something which Protome knew would continue to happen until a necromancer sent him back to the world of the dead.

"Protome had battled his brother many times since the Fourth Dark Lord's demise, but has never been able to truly defeat him. Until he finds a necromancer, his brother will continue to return from the dead to wreak havoc on the living."

More to come...
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Chevalier-Ange

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Re: Protome's Tale (T4DL Aftermath)
« Reply #2 on: July 18, 2007, 04:18:16 PM »
No, I do not believe you ever mentioned their names, so...no plot holes there my friend.  You're good to go. 

Also, I agree with OwA's 'corrections' re grammar and what not, so...I wont say too much there.

HOWEVER (like you didn't see this coming)  I think the one year between the end of the RP and the rise of the Academy may need to be clarified.  I seem to remember in the second RP the creation of the Academy being longer then that.  I'm going to check 4DLII to see if I can find the reference.  Other then that... ^^ nice job Ninja.
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Take me with you, we will fly across the sea
To the land of the sun where our journeys begun
All fear is gone, we sail until the dawn
Deepest fears will burn inside your mind
For the souls lost in endless time


Their story shall be told in another time...another place

ScienceFair

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Re: Protome's Tale (T4DL Aftermath)
« Reply #3 on: July 18, 2007, 09:39:30 PM »
Well, I would assume that you didn't even try to proofread what you wrote...  I noticed atleast one sentence where you used the word and 4 times. 
He pushed his brothers blade back and rolled across the ground and grasped his own and then he flipped into the air and landed behind his brother, with his sword round Emmerich's neck.

In some regard it really could use a good thorough proofreading, which I'm tempted to do but will not bother...  Considering how this is no longer an RP post I would suggest trying to flesh out some of the events of that year period that you quickly mentioned.  You might consider trying some narrative, atleast on the part of Protome as he's the hero... I think that'd be interesting.  As always, ninja, you have a knack for action.  >.>

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Chevalier-Ange

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Re: Protome's Tale (T4DL Aftermath)
« Reply #4 on: July 19, 2007, 05:35:49 PM »
SF?  I think our Ninja friend may be going for a third person view, and not so much a first person view, therefor...a narative would not apply.  Just a thought of course.

Anyway Protome...where's the rest <_<
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Take me with you, we will fly across the sea
To the land of the sun where our journeys begun
All fear is gone, we sail until the dawn
Deepest fears will burn inside your mind
For the souls lost in endless time


Their story shall be told in another time...another place

ScienceFair

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Re: Protome's Tale (T4DL Aftermath)
« Reply #5 on: July 19, 2007, 06:26:18 PM »
SF?  I think our Ninja friend may be going for a third person view, and not so much a first person view, therefor...a narative would not apply.  Just a thought of course.

Anyway Protome...where's the rest <_<

Yeah, I know... but I think it'd be neat if he tried 1st person... because it'd be neat.  :-P
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OnewingedDragon

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Re: Protome's Tale (T4DL Aftermath)
« Reply #6 on: July 19, 2007, 06:27:46 PM »
You're talking about thoughts and such, or actually having the story switch back and forth to a 1st person view?
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ScienceFair

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Re: Protome's Tale (T4DL Aftermath)
« Reply #7 on: July 19, 2007, 06:35:12 PM »
You're talking about thoughts and such, or actually having the story switch back and forth to a 1st person view?

Exactly... but whatever.  :-)
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Chevalier-Ange

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Re: Protome's Tale (T4DL Aftermath)
« Reply #8 on: July 19, 2007, 06:40:19 PM »
What are you guys talking about?  You can't really have the story go both ways can you?  Its either first person, or third person. Since its a story now, and not an RP I mean.

Why dont we wait for the Ninja to answer us instead of cramming his thread with pointless banter?
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Take me with you, we will fly across the sea
To the land of the sun where our journeys begun
All fear is gone, we sail until the dawn
Deepest fears will burn inside your mind
For the souls lost in endless time


Their story shall be told in another time...another place

Protome

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Re: Protome's Tale (T4DL Aftermath)
« Reply #9 on: August 23, 2007, 11:01:17 AM »
I've actually rewritten this part several times, each with Protome being rescued by a different character xD
First I tried a random dwarf, then I tried Tristan and then a few other characters >_>

While Protome hung unconcious from the sword in the tree a shadow moved across the forest behind him. Had he been awake he would have seen a distinctly female shape hidden underneath a black cloak. It pulled back it's hood to reveal long locks of blonde hair, and a woman who looked around 20 years of age. She sighed.
"Silly ninja, you can't go dying on me. However will I get my powers back then?" She said with a flickering smile. Then she pulled the sword from the tree with one hand and caught Protome as he fell with the other. She slung him over her shoulder and looked around cautiously before setting off in the direction she had come from. Then, when she was deeper into the forest, the Second Dark Lord broke into a run.

Protome opened his eyes. He tried to take in his surroundings but in his eyes everything was a blur. A firm hand pushed him down as he tried to rise from the bed he was in.
"You need to rest. You lost a lot of blood." Came a familiar voice from the end of the bed.
"Milena?" Protome croaked, it was painful to even talk.
"Yes. Now rest. I've sent a messenger to your academy, Marissa is on her way." Milena replied. She blocked Protome as he tried to get up again.
"I need to go, Emmerich is-"
"Not your problem at the moment. I believe he is fighting with some elves at the moment."
"Elves!? Why!?" Protome shouted, his strength rapidly returning at the thought of his elven friends being in trouble because he failed to do his job. Tristan, Elessar, Myna...They could protect themselves but Protome did not want to be the cause of a disruption in their lives. Milena shrugged.
"Now rest." She said a final time.

I know it's not very good, more coming soon though :)
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Chevalier-Ange

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Re: Protome's Tale (T4DL Aftermath)
« Reply #10 on: August 24, 2007, 04:45:12 PM »
Hmm...I assume this is continuing right after Deke/Kale was killed, and immediately after the castle fell from the sky?
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Take me with you, we will fly across the sea
To the land of the sun where our journeys begun
All fear is gone, we sail until the dawn
Deepest fears will burn inside your mind
For the souls lost in endless time


Their story shall be told in another time...another place

Protome

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Re: Protome's Tale (T4DL Aftermath)
« Reply #11 on: August 24, 2007, 04:47:32 PM »
A year after. Why? Did I miss something?
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Chevalier-Ange

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Re: Protome's Tale (T4DL Aftermath)
« Reply #12 on: August 24, 2007, 04:54:04 PM »
No...umm, I assume the elves are the bad guys in this part...ie, the fighting with Tristan, Elessar and Myna?
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Take me with you, we will fly across the sea
To the land of the sun where our journeys begun
All fear is gone, we sail until the dawn
Deepest fears will burn inside your mind
For the souls lost in endless time


Their story shall be told in another time...another place

OnewingedDragon

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Re: Protome's Tale (T4DL Aftermath)
« Reply #13 on: August 24, 2007, 05:24:58 PM »
Um....NO.

Emmerich, his undead brother, is busy fighting those "evil" elves... ::)
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Chevalier-Ange

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Re: Protome's Tale (T4DL Aftermath)
« Reply #14 on: August 24, 2007, 05:26:10 PM »
Oops...yeah, I mis-read that. 

Sorry Ninja...

Umm, as you were my friend <_<
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Take me with you, we will fly across the sea
To the land of the sun where our journeys begun
All fear is gone, we sail until the dawn
Deepest fears will burn inside your mind
For the souls lost in endless time


Their story shall be told in another time...another place
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