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Author Topic: Tag's Poems  (Read 949 times)

Tag

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Tag's Poems
« on: July 22, 2007, 07:11:52 PM »
Like the title explains, this is my thread that I will be using for poems I have written recently.
I should have the first one up soon.
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Tag

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Re: Tag's Poems
« Reply #1 on: July 22, 2007, 07:13:29 PM »
Enjoy my first poem, entitled "Ok". Keep in mind, most of my poems repeat a stanza like a chorus. Oh, and I don't add periods.

Ok

The men in blue suits
Busted through with blue boots

She asked why as they
Took her daddy away

"Every thing's ok"
Was all the man could say

She looked up teary-eyed
He looked down and simply sighed

"Let's get them all outside"
He motioned to his ride

"Every thing's ok"
Was all the man could say

She walked with her sis
She gave dad a kiss

Dad sat with his drug
Dad gave her a hug

"Every thing's ok"
Was all the man could say

They walked to a friend's house
She was silent as a mouse

Laid in bed that night
She couldn't forget that sight

"Every thing's ok"
All the man could say

I won't tell you exactly what the poem is about (though it should be obvious), but I will tell you that my nine year old cousin went through the exact same incident three days ago. So, let's just say I wrote it for her.
« Last Edit: July 22, 2007, 07:25:30 PM by Tag »
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OnewingedDragon

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Re: Tag's Poems
« Reply #2 on: July 22, 2007, 11:52:22 PM »
Very good. Succinct, kept (for the most part) the lines the same length. The second set of lines after the first "ok" all rhymed the same, whereas you didn't do it anywhere else. Otherwise, kudos. :)

My heart goes out to your cousin, hope everything works out for the best.
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Tag

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Re: Tag's Poems
« Reply #3 on: July 23, 2007, 08:02:29 AM »
Very good. Succinct, kept (for the most part) the lines the same length. The second set of lines after the first "ok" all rhymed the same, whereas you didn't do it anywhere else. Otherwise, kudos. :)

My heart goes out to your cousin, hope everything works out for the best.

Thanks.
I'm sure she's going to be fine. It just worried her a little bit, but she's strong.
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Dark Dragon

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Re: Tag's Poems
« Reply #4 on: July 23, 2007, 06:17:20 PM »
This is a very well done poem. I liked it a lot. I feel down about your cousin and what happened, but I am sure she is all right. Very nice poem though. :)
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All this pain, all this hate, all that noise hurting my mind. I don't want to hear them, I want them to leave, I want to be left alone, with thoughts, not voices. They are mean, they are evil, they want me to do things that I just can't. I want them quiet, shut up, Shut up, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!!!! Leave me alone and let me think! Don't hurt me, stop taunting me, Stop making me cry and hurting myself! I just want to be FREE!!!!

Tag

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Re: Tag's Poems
« Reply #5 on: July 24, 2007, 02:29:17 PM »
I'm glad you guys liked the last one.
Thus, I wrote a new one. This one is a lot more like a song than that first, so sing it (if you must).

Who You Are

I saw your denial
I knew...
I saw your smile
I knew...

I saw you sigh
I knew...
I saw you fly
I knew...

You drove a wedge between us
You pushed us oh-so-far
You hit us as hard as a bus
You know just who you are...

I saw your trance
I knew...
I saw your dance
I knew...

I saw you mope
I knew...
I saw you poke
I knew...

You drove a wedge between us
You pushed us oh-so-far
You hit us as hard as a bus
You know just who you are...

I watched your mood!
I watched your tune!
I watched you talk!
I watched you walk!

I watched you sappy!
Watched you happy!
Why...can't...you...make up your mind?!
You've...got...us...wrapped in a bind..!

You drove a wedge between us
You pushed us oh-so-far
You hit us as hard as a bus
Even I know who you are...

As far as inspiration goes, this is one of those poems that you can use to refer towards anything/anyone in your life.
I don't want to be too open about my life, however, so I'll just say that it has to do with my Uncle's new wife.
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OnewingedDragon

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Re: Tag's Poems
« Reply #6 on: July 24, 2007, 05:15:06 PM »
It completely reminded me of a Linkin Park song. I'm not sure which one, but it was off of Hybrid Theory...
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Tag

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Re: Tag's Poems
« Reply #7 on: July 24, 2007, 07:03:21 PM »
It completely reminded me of a Linkin Park song. I'm not sure which one, but it was off of Hybrid Theory...
Really? That's weird...
Of course, I do like them.
Oh, what could the song be? I can't think of it.
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Dark Dragon

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Re: Tag's Poems
« Reply #8 on: July 24, 2007, 08:31:10 PM »
I really liked that one as well. I love your poems. Keep them up!
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All this pain, all this hate, all that noise hurting my mind. I don't want to hear them, I want them to leave, I want to be left alone, with thoughts, not voices. They are mean, they are evil, they want me to do things that I just can't. I want them quiet, shut up, Shut up, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!!!! Leave me alone and let me think! Don't hurt me, stop taunting me, Stop making me cry and hurting myself! I just want to be FREE!!!!
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