I wrote this a few months ago for my friend.
It's kind of crappy...because I just kinda sat down, wrote about 2 paragraphs, forgot about it, came back, wrote the rest, not knowing where I was going with it. Then let it sit for a few more months. Then dug it up. Sorry for the crap. Blah Formatting. Blame word.
Andrew, if you are reading this, then that means I have succeeded. I'm sorry if I hurt you.
I just sit here, curtains closed, windows shut, lights on, candles lit. Staring at the glittering ring on my finger, I don't know where to begin, but I know where I am supposed to end.
The television plays on in the background, and I am wondering why I'm here. I don't know, really. I never thought I would find myself in this situation, trapped between life and death, stranded in a limbo without words or comfort.
You'll be here any minute and I don't have the heart to tell you everything, so I pray this will be good enough. It isn't as good as my own words, but this is all I have left.
I still remember the day we first met.
It was one thousand years ago, on my ninth birthday.
Is that where I begin? I think so.
In the castle I lived in, I lived a peaceful life. I was pampered, treated like the royalty I was, always attended to and waited on. My hair was long and flowing, my heart pure, the light in my eyes clear and burning.
You were a knight, so graceful, so powerful. My fathers best friend, and his most trusted confidante. You joined us for dinner every Friday. You rescued his daughter, of course he would adore you.
When I fell into the cave, I thought I was going to die. I stayed in the corner for days. Finally, you came to rescue me. You carried me out of the castle and all the way home, while I cried in your arms. Not once did you complain about the streaks left on your cloak. You returned me to my mother, who was overjoyed. She was so happy.
She offered you a reward of anything you wanted.
All you did was smile and pat me on the shoulder, and say "Just make sure she doesn't fall into any more caves, I won't be around forever."
Words were meaningless then, because hugs were everything. Not just hugs, but huge warm amazing comforting arms scooping me up and stroking my hair and whispering to me that everything was okay.
When my father died, and mother was made official leader of our country, you were there to hug me as I cried, as mother went away so often.
You were my caretaker and my best friend, and I was only 14 years old. Every day you came to the castle to give me company and to spend time with me. You taught me how to ride a horse, how to wield a sword, a bow, a knife, a staff and how to defend myself.
When my eighteenth birthday came around, and I was to choose a husband for a new king, you were the only person who sat with me as I cried. Mother of course, was in France at the time.
So I made you the king of our country, and you looked at me with your grey eyes and asked why, why you of all people, and all I could do was smile at you and skip downstairs to tell the court.
Everything was fine, it was perfect, until you died.
I was bedridden for weeks, exhausted from crying myself to sleep every night. Nothing anyone could say would fix it, would calm me down, or cheer me up.
Finally, I packed a bag and I left on a journey which took me to the darkest corners of the great mountains. I sought a wizard who was rumoured to be the most powerful magic caster in all the lands, but it was not clear if he was just a myth.
I found him, and I asked him for help. If there was anything that he could do, if he could bring you back.
================================================
"my Queen, there is but one thing I can do." The old man said softly as he pulled a book of his shelf. "And it has a very long preparation period."
"I don't care." I stated. "I would do anything...anything at all to be back with Andrew...anything..."
A tear slid down my cheek as a thought of his smiling face and warm grey eyes...
"Queen Lillith, this spell is a very old one indeed, and if it fails, you will die. And if it is successful, the sacrifice is very-"
"Please listen to me," I said sadly. "I don't care."
The old man sighed, and folded his hands. "This spell would involve bonding your current memories to your soul force, and also the force of King Andrew's soul to yours. It will ensure that you will be together in every life, but when you die, it is as if you fell asleep, and you awake as the next host for your soul. You will remember everything that you ever experienced. In short, you will live forever."
My head shot up and gazed at him quizzically. "Forever? So, this is...immortality?"
"Somewhat. You can still die from things you can die from now. Severe bleeding, illness, execution...but you will wake as a new person. Your body will die, but your soul will continue forth."
"If...Andrew and I are together, and I die...what happens to him?"
"Because of the spell, your souls are bonded. Soon after, he will die as well. Most likely from unknown causes."
The old wizard gazed at me sadly. "Queen Lillith, please think about this carefully. With all due respect, it is a very risky and selfish thing to do. Even though your souls are bonded, he may be near you as a brother, or a father, or a school mate who hates you, maybe even a teacher, or grandfather, and you will have to wait until a suitable cycle passes by. He won't have his memories, and he won't even remember you."
"Then...how will I know it's him when I see him?"
The old man flipped through his book for almost 5 minutes. "Ah, here. It says here that another result of the spell is that upon your first meeting, a firey brand that only you can see will appear on his chest in bright red. It will appear once, and once only."
I sat in silence for many moments, pondering my choice, and my next question.
"What if...I try and remind him of who he is? Can I break through to his old memories?"
The old wizard shook his head. "When the body dies, the memories are supposed to go with it. In very, very rare cases, sometimes the soul and the mind are so attached, that the memories stay with the soul. I've only read about it though. I'm sorry my Queen, but you would have to rely on sheer luck, or fate, to have him love you. I can be sure though, that in many lives, you will most likely be lovers, and get married."
I stood up, pushing my chair back.
"I've heard enough. How long will the spell take to prepare?"
"...5 months, my Queen."
"I shall return in 5 months, then." I picked up my bag, and headed for the door. "Thank you..."
The old man nodded and rushed to the door, holding it open for me.
The spell worked.
My selfish stupid self died that night.
I awoke a crying infant, and lived a normal life as a common peasant girl. Going from Queen of a nation to a simple person, it was hard at first, but I handled it. I told myself, anything to see you.
The first time I saw you, I was 1 day old, and you were 1 year old, staring at me with your faded grey eyes. My infant eyes widened as my adult mind saw the fiery brand of a knot intertwined with a heart emblazoned on your chest.
Our parents loved us, and when we were old enough to go out by ourselves, we explored the forests and the meadows and fields and everywhere our childish feet could carry us.
Still, the first cycle was a tragic one. Our village was raided sometime after you turned 17, and I 16. Myself, you, and our mother and father were burned alive, along with half of the village.
Three cycles went by, and you were my beloved brother each time. My patience grew thin as the fourth cycle came around, and you died of old age.
I, a lonely old woman, passed away 15 years later.
Which set everything back the way it was.
You were 15 years older, and a loyal friend to me, every time. For 800 years, the cycles went by perfectly, and we were happily married. The worst part, you always died before me. 15 years before me. I think the spell realized that in our natural lives, that was the difference.
And now, I'm so sorry for those centuries of happiness.
This cycle, our marriage is failing.
When I first cut my hand open that fateful night, when the old man Lanawar asked for my blood for the spell, I though that this would be perfect. We would be together for eternity.
Selfish, stupid!
I was only thinking of myself at that time, and now, all I want to do is sleep forever. I hate waking up as a new person. I hate having memories of many parents, siblings, friends, and yet I only have you.
This time, I think you hate me. All we do is argue, and nag each other, and yesterday, when you said you wanted a divorce, I couldn't have been happier.
Andrew, my love, please don't cry.
Please just remember the time when you scooped my up in your arms and carried me out of the cave, the time when my father died and you held me close, the time when you first kissed me, the time when we got married for the first time.
I'm dead now, Andrew, and I'll awake in a few days. When I meet you, I'll keep walking. Or if you're my brother, I'll hate you like normal siblings do this century. I won't marry you, I'll find someone else and pretend to forget you until I do. I'll break this eternal curse, and I hope you find someone else to love.
Or at least, you remember your first love.
Yours truly,
Your dearest Lillith.
