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Author Topic: Alex's Writing Thread - Lord of the Flies lolololol.  (Read 5154 times)

RedAxie

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« Last Edit: November 29, 2008, 05:35:15 PM by RedAxie »
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Gnaborretni

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Re: Pillow-chan's Poetry and Stories
« Reply #1 on: July 03, 2007, 11:40:44 PM »
You know, most people have material before they post anything.

Although, considering that was how this site started, I suppose it is ok. >_>

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RedAxie

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Re: Pillow-chan's Poetry and Stories
« Reply #2 on: July 05, 2007, 01:11:07 PM »
Yeah, and I wanted to make a thread before I forgot >_>
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RedAxie

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Re: Pillow-chan's Poetry and Stories
« Reply #3 on: July 05, 2007, 04:06:04 PM »
A Surge Of Hope

A simple ring of a telephone brings me one more step closer
Closer to your voice and closer to something I've never known before
The ability to free my voice
And the ability to listen.
You bring me so much happiness and purpose
To curl up underneath my blankets every night
To close my eyes and wonder just what tomorrow will bring
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Chevalier-Ange

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Re: Pillow-chan's Poetry and Stories
« Reply #4 on: July 06, 2007, 10:31:39 PM »
Very nice.  Your writing has muchly improved.  ^^
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Grey

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Re: Pillow-chan's Poetry and Stories
« Reply #5 on: July 07, 2007, 12:13:59 AM »
I agree
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WhiteRoxie

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Re: Pillow-chan's Poetry and Stories
« Reply #6 on: July 07, 2007, 08:27:27 AM »
It's pretty good, Pillow. I likes it. n___________n
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OnewingedDragon

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Re: Pillow-chan's Poetry and Stories
« Reply #7 on: July 09, 2007, 11:13:16 AM »
It definitely shows improvement.

Just a thought, try not to repeat words; closer and ability being the ones I'm referring to in this case.
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RedAxie

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Re: Pillow-chan's Poetry and Stories
« Reply #8 on: July 12, 2007, 12:41:23 PM »
This one is pretty...well...I wrote it at 2 in the morning after being on a trampoline all day.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I HATE you! so much!
But I love you. I love you. I hate you. I want to embrace you. I want to drive nails into your eyes and watch you DIE a painful DEATH. I want you to  hold me. I want you to LEAVE and NEVER return. I want to LAUGH.
Yet I want to cry.
I want to dance to our song. I want to cry to the words. I want a place in your heart.
But can I tear it out on the way?
I want to fall asleep next to you. I hope you NEVER wake up. I want you to call to me. I want you to SCREAM my name in fear. I want you to wipe the tears from my cheeks. I want to THROW my darkened blood in your FACE. I want you to open up to me. I want to cut you open with the sharpest knife I can find and GIGGLE like the little GIRL I am.
I want to die.
I want you dead.
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RedAxie

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Re: Pillow-chan's Poetry and Stories
« Reply #9 on: July 12, 2007, 12:47:03 PM »
3. Belladonna.

Like the posion flower which she shared her name, she was stunning, yet sickening. Her long blonde hair cascaded down her back as she ran through the meadow laughing. He gripped her hand and followed, not knowing any feeling but regret. He should be happy! Happier than ever, but it was his fault...
She would never know the truth.
If she knew, his lovely Ellie would never hold him again, never say his name with the light air on her tongue, that meant a kiss was coming his way...
She would not love him.
"Come, my love, we shall find the most beautiful flowers! Then we can lay beneath the tallest tree! Noone shall disturb us!" Belladonna said to him, smiling her eloquent smile.
All he could do was keep dashing through the long grass, feeling the bottle marked "Love Potion" dance in his pocket, hitting his thigh with an menacing slap.
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OnewingedDragon

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Re: Pillow-chan's Poetry and Stories
« Reply #10 on: July 12, 2007, 02:19:00 PM »
Spastic. That's the only thing I could think of in either case.

The first one is classic crazy-girl-on-tv-drama. Up, down, left right. Nice

The second one is confusing, it sounds like there's two people involved in the story, but somehow a third person gets thrown in to the mix. I'm slightly confused.
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RedAxie

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Re: Pillow-chan's Poetry and Stories
« Reply #11 on: July 12, 2007, 02:50:39 PM »
The first one...
well...
Rawr..

Belladonna is actually the middle of a group of a bunch of things I'm writing, so I don't expect anyone to understand XD
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Chevalier-Ange

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Re: Pillow-chan's Poetry and Stories
« Reply #12 on: July 12, 2007, 04:52:26 PM »
  :o

your writing has improved quite alot actually. ^^

I do have to agree with the one winged wonder though, the second one...I wasnt sure if it was Ellie, or Belladonna with the boy
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Take me with you, we will fly across the sea
To the land of the sun where our journeys begun
All fear is gone, we sail until the dawn
Deepest fears will burn inside your mind
For the souls lost in endless time


Their story shall be told in another time...another place

RedAxie

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Re: Pillow-chan's Poetry and Stories
« Reply #13 on: July 12, 2007, 04:53:18 PM »
Ellie is Belladonna's nickname.
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Chevalier-Ange

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Re: Pillow-chan's Poetry and Stories
« Reply #14 on: July 12, 2007, 04:54:17 PM »
Ok...that makes alot more sense now.  And after re-reading it, it flows much better. ^^
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Take me with you, we will fly across the sea
To the land of the sun where our journeys begun
All fear is gone, we sail until the dawn
Deepest fears will burn inside your mind
For the souls lost in endless time


Their story shall be told in another time...another place
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