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Author Topic: Alex's Writing Thread - Lord of the Flies lolololol.  (Read 5154 times)

RedAxie

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Re: Pillow-chan's Poetry and Stories
« Reply #15 on: July 12, 2007, 05:01:11 PM »
4. Belladonna -2

He drew his sword and swung around, slashing the tree with all his might.
A few flecks of bark sprinkled the air and driften downwards. The young squire dropped the heavy sword with a gasp, still feeling the strain on his muscles. No matter how long he practiced, the metal blade never seemed lighter to him. How would he be able to face her like this, this foolish weakling, with his ragged hair and still childish arms. He could never once impress the beauty that was Belladonna, the gorgeous flower that floated by every day. She was too stunning to fall in love with his youthful demeanor and that he could not properly wield a sword.
The wonderous Ellie, as he had taken to calling her, would never notice him.
    So he picked up the blade from the dirty forest ground, and let the feeling of the heavy steel flow through him.
He picked her blonde hair glimmering softly.
His thin arms lifted the blade higher than ever before. Her eyes were imprinted in his mind.
And sword met tree, in a sickening embrace of metal splitting wood.
« Last Edit: July 14, 2007, 12:38:27 PM by Pillow-chan »
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Chevalier-Ange

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Re: Pillow-chan's Poetry and Stories
« Reply #16 on: July 12, 2007, 05:09:21 PM »
Nice addition.   :)

I assume this is going to be an ongoing story?

NOTE: Try using "iurl" and not "url"  this way, we dont get a second window popping up ^^
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Take me with you, we will fly across the sea
To the land of the sun where our journeys begun
All fear is gone, we sail until the dawn
Deepest fears will burn inside your mind
For the souls lost in endless time


Their story shall be told in another time...another place

OnewingedDragon

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Re: Pillow-chan's Poetry and Stories
« Reply #17 on: July 12, 2007, 05:33:09 PM »
Indubitably, much better when we have all the information, although it might help to clear things up in the story itself.

You're still a little wordy, but definite improvement.
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RedAxie

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Re: Alex's Writing Thread
« Reply #18 on: August 12, 2007, 11:18:47 PM »
Random poem I found and decided to pretty-fy

BTW: Press play on the widget >_>
« Last Edit: August 12, 2007, 11:22:27 PM by Pillow-chan »
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RedAxie

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Re: Alex's Writing Thread
« Reply #19 on: August 13, 2007, 01:34:21 AM »
I dunno...

Two hands, joint in eternal embrace still hold strong after one thousand years.
Even though their souls are torn apart, they can still feel each others presence when they are lonely.
Two friends, two sisters, two bodies, one heart.
Separated and united, the cycle begins anew once more.
Will they be close? Or will the be far?
It matters not, for they are always together in the depths of their minds.
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Chevalier-Ange

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Re: Alex's Writing Thread
« Reply #20 on: August 13, 2007, 04:36:35 PM »
I would have to honestly say, that since you first started posting on 'the other site', you have improved remarkably.  Clearer thoughts, more concise meanings, more mature wording, and muchly improved structure.

I hope the person you were thinking about in your last post, has a smile that goes from ear to ear.  It was great and anyone would be happy to have that written about them.  (^_^)
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Take me with you, we will fly across the sea
To the land of the sun where our journeys begun
All fear is gone, we sail until the dawn
Deepest fears will burn inside your mind
For the souls lost in endless time


Their story shall be told in another time...another place

RedAxie

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Re: Alex's Writing Thread
« Reply #21 on: August 15, 2007, 02:05:20 PM »
I am getting so tired of illiterate fools.
..I think I just spelled that wrong.

Do you see these words I'm typing?
Can you Y-O-U see them?
Can you Y-O-U read them?
Understand?
This is how you spell!
Not like dis.
not liek this
Like this.
It is 2 much 4 u?
Your undeveloped mind cannot handle intelligence you should have learned many years ago?
Is this how teachers taught Y-O-U to write?
Is this how Y-O-U will teach your children spell?
Understand?
Comprehend?
T-H-I-S I-S H-O-W Y-O-U S-P-E-L-L.
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OnewingedDragon

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Re: Alex's Writing Thread
« Reply #22 on: August 15, 2007, 03:07:09 PM »
That's highly amusing
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RedAxie

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Re: Alex's Writing Thread
« Reply #23 on: August 15, 2007, 03:20:18 PM »
You forgot the period at the end of that sentence. >_>
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Chevalier-Ange

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Re: Alex's Writing Thread
« Reply #24 on: August 15, 2007, 04:49:32 PM »
Dat haz 2 b da bestest ting ive red al day.  Congraterationses.

<_<
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Take me with you, we will fly across the sea
To the land of the sun where our journeys begun
All fear is gone, we sail until the dawn
Deepest fears will burn inside your mind
For the souls lost in endless time


Their story shall be told in another time...another place

OnewingedDragon

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Re: Alex's Writing Thread
« Reply #25 on: August 15, 2007, 04:53:23 PM »
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! ahhhh /sigh
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RedAxie

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Re: Alex's Writing Thread
« Reply #26 on: August 15, 2007, 04:59:53 PM »
XD!

You guys crack me up.
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Chevalier-Ange

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Re: Alex's Writing Thread
« Reply #27 on: August 15, 2007, 05:02:39 PM »
lalalalalala

W00t...my own emote <_<
« Last Edit: August 15, 2007, 08:17:43 PM by Chevalier-Ange »
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Take me with you, we will fly across the sea
To the land of the sun where our journeys begun
All fear is gone, we sail until the dawn
Deepest fears will burn inside your mind
For the souls lost in endless time


Their story shall be told in another time...another place

WhiteRoxie

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Re: Alex's Writing Thread
« Reply #28 on: August 16, 2007, 04:28:27 AM »
Wootness! I can so totally spell! And if I do make a typo... I just invented a new word. Very nice, A-chan~
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RedAxie

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Re: Alex's Writing Thread
« Reply #29 on: August 16, 2007, 05:23:21 AM »
Whee, thankies, A-kun~
CA: Nice transparency ^_~
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